I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
