literally had 100 drinks last night.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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