There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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