first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Is it penis luge time yet?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
