Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
