I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
