like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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