How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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