Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize