i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
