I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
