And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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