I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
