I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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