Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize