there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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