I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
