Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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