a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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