Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
