and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
