Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
