Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
