So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
