Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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