shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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