I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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