oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Actions speak louder than pants.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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