Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
