What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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