Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
