I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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