Whod you bang
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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