if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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