He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
