At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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