True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Congratulations! We have a period
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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