You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i out mim tonsoeep
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
