I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you made out with another girl for some wings
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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