just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
