First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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