I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
