i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
