well you can't waste a boner
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
