whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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