I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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