Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
