Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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