so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
