if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
