I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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