I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
