I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
