i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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