My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
honey bunches of taint.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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