Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
