your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
