There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
