is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
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So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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