Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
