I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
