having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
