I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
