Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
