She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
