What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
