Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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