yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
