Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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