Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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