You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
