Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
