never play flip cup with pint glasses
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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