Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
