Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
