yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
