and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
