Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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